Hello and welcome to Sheriffs Couch, your guide to quality television and movie information and reviews. After a few weeks into the summer, I have to apologize for taking a while on this entry, you see Ive been trapped at home with my parents and have practically become nocturnal and havent spoken to another person in weeks, plus Ive been only eating twizzelers, slim jims and Mexican soda as part of T-Lent. Over the past month or so Ive seen a few movies, but even more importantly, Ive seen lots of movies trailers. You see I typically dont review movies Ive seen, I watch a trailer and can pretty much infer the entire movie from 30 seconds of film, I know, its a gift. And I have to say, judging from the trailers Ive seen lately, this upcoming summer may be the greatest movie season since the invention of junior mints; and so with great pleasure I present a very special summer movie forecast. To address the 800 lb gorilla in the room, there are more sequels slated to release in the next few months than super heroes in the Avengers, so Ive streamlined this portion of my review. Men in Black 3- looks pretty cool, May 25th American reunion- looks hilarious, April 6th The Bourne Legacy- looks like it is the beginning of a new chapter in the Treadstone saga, but it doesnt matter, it looks incredible, August 3rd The sequel to Piranha is also coming out, its titled Piranha 3DD. Scientifically speaking, it might be the most farfetched backwards logic possible (it takes place in a water park that A. doesnt kill the fish and B. no one can escape from?) However, in its defense, it will have A. tons of violently bloody deaths and B. boobs and C. boobs Wrath of the Titans- looks rage, its the third installment in the series, following the amazing Clash of the Titans, and the slightly disappointing Remember the Titans March, 30th Dark knight rises- I still have goose bumps from the trailer that I saw 3 months ago. Mark your calendars, July 20th For f***s sake, theyve even made sequels to the Expendables august 17th, G.I Joe June 29th, and even Ghost Rider!!!!(if youre mad I didnt put the release date for Ghost Rider here, let me know so I can beat the s*** out of you. You are what is wrong with America, and Nicolas cage would probably be willing to star in the movie based on the brawl and would even be willing to be paid in gum ) Plus Prometheus, a prequel to which ground breaking Ridley Scott film Alien!!! It looks rage. June 8th And I didnt forget that MIB 3 is a prequel, because its not. They go back in time, so it takes place in the future past, a concept Terra Nova fans are familiar with. Casa de Mi Padre is the Will Ferrel western comedy, which looks outrageous. Im not quite sure when the story takes place, because it seems like a classic western in some ways, but there are numerous pimped out Cadillac Escalades in the trailer. At the end of the day, it doesnt really matter. March 16th The Dictator by Sacha Baron Cohen. Basically its Borat part 2, still looks pretty funny despite the fact that weve probably seen the best parts. May 11th Dark Shadows- Im a huge fan of Johnny Depp and all, but Ive seen this movie before under the name every other Tim Burton movie with Johnny Depp in it. Ill pass. The Chernobyl Diaries looks pretty good. It takes place in Miami Florida, and is based on a true story of a group of friends who try some experimental blend of LSD, and subsequently begin attacking tourists and eating their faces. Or are they just hallucinating and eating tacos? Ooooh!! Looks like I just M. Night Shamamamalamed the s*** out of that ending!! May 25th Ted- if youre a fan of Family Guy, youll want to see this movie about a wild and crazy teddy bear(Mark Walburg) getting into hilarious antics with his stuffed animal toy(or is he Mark Walburg?). Either way it looks great and is Marky Marks best work since the Funky Bunch. The Avengers- Iron Man and Captain America lead a band of sorta lame super heroes against some villain Ive never heard of. Thats not important though, this movies going to be incredible. Favorite quote from the trailer-Captain America to Iron Man Take away that metal suit and what are you? Iron Man- A genius billionaire playboy philanthropist. See it ya NOW. May 4th The Amazing Spider Man, a new beginning of the Spiderman series comes out July 3rd. I dont know if it will be good or not. I just dont know. Red Dawn comes out November 2nd. I dont recognize any of the actors in it but its going to be epic. If you dont know what Red Dawn is, you shouldnt be allowed to vote in the upcoming election or have children. Im serious. WOLVERINES!!!!!!!!!!! Battleship- I have no idea who came up with the idea to make this into a movie. Whoever it is, is a genius. I dont remember any aliens in the board game, but Im probably just getting hung up on the wrong details. It also stars Brooklyn Decker and Liam Nelson, two people on my top five list of people I want to bang. Plus, this is one step closer to Hollywood accepting my screen play of Chardee McDennis: the Game of Games which is currently in production. Sometime soon I will be having casting calls, so let me know if youre interested. So far I have Kate Upton signed on to the project. And if you have to ask, youll never know. May 18th For those history buffs out there, there is a movie just for you Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is a look into the little know private life of our 18th president. June 22nd Another look at his life, with about half as many vampires, Steven Spielberg directs and Daniel Day Lewis stars in Lincoln. If you arent a fan of DDL December 2012 And finally, my #1 pick movie of 2012 is Madagascar 3!!!!! Yeah right, the Dark Knight Rises mother*****!!!!! Not like the Dark Knight but like the Dark Knight! Hes cool Until next time my brothers, keep watching movies til you eyes bleed. Fraternally, Dr. Travis Sheriff Cosgrove, Attorney at Law Specializing in Bird Law since 1990

Posted by Sean Stanley
Sunday June 10th, 2012